You’re moving about your life and everything looks and feels good, but you have this lingering question of “Is this all there is?”. You may find yourself wondering, if everything is going well, why don’t I feel as good as I think I should? Will I still be here doing the same thing in another 20, 30, or 40 years?
So, how did you end up here. You see, that used to be me. I came to this realization in my early 30s after talking with my mentor. He asked me a very simple yet powerful question, “Why?” Why do you want to have the success that you are seeking? Why do you want to meet that higher income goal?
Like many of us, I thought it’s all about making money and buying all these material things. That’s when we can sit back and say that we’ve “made it”, right? I’m here to tell you that this is far from the truth! That’s just not how it works.
As you get older, you start to realize the material things cannot bring you happiness. Sure, buying a new outfit can be exciting! However, how long does that excitement last before you are searching for something new?
One of the major things that leaves you with this feeling of under fulfillment stems from when you’re not completely invested in what you are doing. If you’re not in complete alignment with what you want to be doing then you will find yourself questioning “Is this all there is?”
It’s Monday morning, do you find yourself jumping out of bed eager to start the work day or dreading it? Do you find yourself asking, “why do I still do this everyday”? This is a really good indicator that there is a lack of alignment present.
You can have a great job, the perfect car, and all the money you want, but still be left wondering “Why is my life not any better than this?”. Many of us are guilty of thinking that if we had this or that then things would be better; however, the reality is that this is an internal issue. It has nothing to do with what is going on externally. Media tells us what’s missing – We need to lose weight, we need to buy this type of makeup, we need to go on vacation here. Media tells us all these things “we need ” like it’s going to solve all of our problems. While this may help with efficiency and higher quality of life, it’s simply not true. You don’t need these things to achieve internal peace. You can have little to nothing and feel more fulfilled than someone who has everything.
Internal issues are related to a lack of being connected with that part of yourself that is the highest, best version of yourself. Good news is we know that person is somewhere inside of us.
Ask yourself this, what makes you feel good on the inside? This is never anything external. This becomes easier as you really get to know yourself more and find out what you are looking for. Knowing yourself and liking what’s there makes you feel good on the inside.
So, I raise the question again. Do you wake up excited to do your work because you know you’re working at your highest potential? Are you connected with your family as in fulfilling relationships? More importantly, are you honest with yourself?
These things come when you know who you are and can stand firm in your values. Even when it’s difficult you are able to speak the truth and set boundaries when needed. You can recognize material things aren’t what makes you happy. Knowing your purpose, knowing your why makes a life worth living. Once you know yourself and no longer feel the need to prove yourself to anyone, then you will be happier.
When you act like you have nothing to lose, you’ll become a lot less attached to anything. You will learn to love yourself. We need to raise children to love themself not hate themself. We need more peace on Earth.
When I was weighing out our options for our children’s education this year, it felt like we didn’t have much of a choice. When we just have one option, we don’t really feel free. It dawned on me, am I really showing my kids that their life is free when this is the only choice we have? When I came to this realization, my why became a lot more personal.
First step is finding that internal “happy place” is to stop having to prove yourself. You’ll stop asking yourself how much longer you have to do this. I’m no longer dreading the future because I know I get to create it instead of living by someone else’s future and that brings me fulfillment!
We all doubt ourselves enough, we don’t need anyone outside of our own mind telling us that it’s not going to work, it’s not realistic, it’s not for us, or it’s not going to work out for the best.
It’s complete bologna that we would have someone in our lives tell you that something’s not for you, and don’t get your hopes up.
Take the movie, The Pursuit of Happyness, for example: Will Smith tells his kid, don’t get your hopes up about being a basketball star. And then he checks himself and he’s like, “ok wait a minute, don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do something you want to do.”
This scene is so true, as a parent we want to protect our children and we don’t want to see them get hurt. We do this as parents, as spouses, as friends because we want to protect our friends. So we might say something to discourage someone from really putting themselves all in and then it perpetuates that cycle of them not going and doing the things they want to do.
This leads to them feeling like something is missing in their life.
They’re trying to stay safe. This has been going on since childhood – if we get out of our comfort zone, bad things happen. It’s too uncomfortable, too painful. We are going to let ourselves down, and we are used to winning and staying comfortable and so we are just going to keep doing the things we have always done. This leads to people not feeling satisfied in life.
Where does this come from?
Programming from our caregivers. From birth to seven years old, the subconsciousness is forming. Core beliefs, things we really really know about ourselves, are being formed. When we keep on being told the same story over and over and over again, it just builds on itself over and over and over again.
We so often see this story of someone being kept small by the people around them because the people around them feel threatened or need to keep them in a certain kind of container because that’s what’s more comfortable for them.
So if you have those people in your life (and we all do) I would highly encourage you to have a conversation with them about what their dreams are, what are their goals, what do they want to create for themselves, why do they think they can’t do it, what would the version of themselves be if it was already done?
Start to open up those conversations and awareness and see how it starts to shift the dynamic and prioritization of going after the things you really want.
If you’d like to explore this more and talk to me about how I can help you, please get in touch.
I know it’s a white girl problem but, I’m really tired.
I was interacting in a Facebook group the other day and there was a comment made that if people are going to be promoting their product or services in the current times, then all of the proceeds should be going to bailout finds, advocacy groups, black lives matter, etc.
I understand the sentiment of that.
In regards to the person who was promoting their product. I have never seen them ask for a sale, ever ask for membership, ever ask for money, nothing – ever. And then there was this other person going, “if you’re not doing all of it then you should be doing nothing.”
And I am here to tell you that’s fucking bullshit.
So here’s where I am at. I’m 40, I’ve been working my ass off for my whole entire life because everything always had to be perfect. It always had to live up to some kind of standard, and I am fucking exhausted right now because everything has always been if you know that you can do better, then you do better.
Every day. In every part of my life.
That’s my kids, my husband, sex, money, business, sales calls, exercising, recycling, buying organic, making sure you’re supporting the companies that aren’t racist, etc.
It’s all of this stuff all the time. I actually stopped watching documentaries for this very reason because every single documentary I watched made me feel like any decision I made, it wasn’t going to be right.
I’m tired of that. I’m sure a lot of people are tired of that.
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So I am here to tell you today, any progress that you make going forward – it’s enough. Any contribution that you make going forward – it’s enough. Unless you’re feeling guilty because you know you could do more, then do more if that’s what feels good for you.
But if you’re in the place where you are like, “I should give up every luxury I have to support these other things.”
Is that really what’s right for you?
Because Maybe those things that you are classifying as luxuries, maybe those things are actually needs.
Like for instance, I went and checked out a new gym this morning. I do best when I go to a gym and I am told what to do by a trainer who knows how to work with injured bodies. If that’s not happening, then I don’t go to the gym. I had been thinking to myself – maybe I shouldn’t go. Like, maybe I should take whatever that investment would be and donate it to bailout funds. And maybe I will just try to figure it out on my own. And then I’m like, you know what, thats exactly the thing that got me injured. I have to take care of myself first. I need to do these things so that I can show up more fully towards those things, towards those activities and advocacy groups the way that I want to.
If I’m not exercising, I don’t feel good. And if I don’t feel good, I can’t work more. If I can’t work more, I can’t help more people. If I can’t help more people, I can’t make the money that I need to make so that I can go support the causes and give them the money that I want to give them.
So – back to the woman in the Facebook group. I totally understand where her heart is, and at the same time when we are putting all of this pressure on people to do every single thing that is in your power to do every single day, it leads to burn out.
It leads to a 40 year old white woman going, “I need a fucking break, man.” I don’t like being that, but at the same time I know that it’s what created it. It’s perfectionism, its that no choice that you make is ever good enough when you are a conscious person and you care. It’s like saying, “well if you really cared about that then you would do everything in your power.”
It’s true. But it also leads to burnout. It doesn’t leave any room for flexibility. It doesn’t leave any room for small steps forward. It doesn’t leave any room for rest and recovery. It doesn’t leave any room for sitting back and taking the time to reflect. And just take it easy and find the ease and the flow in those things that feel good. Because everything that we do, should always feel good. It should always come from integrity and allowance and flow. And when we can do that, we can actually do more. If we are being shamed because it’s not enough then we are always going to be in this state of proving ourselves, and proving ourselves is never the right place to create things from because its not in alignment with what our soul wants for ourselves. Our soul, at our heart level, we already know we are good. It’s all of these external things and sources of pressure that are put on us that create a lot of friction.
My work is in dismantling all of that, even when I am going through it myself.
I am tired AND I love my work.
At the same time it just doesn’t feel as important right now because of all of these other things that are going on out there. I’ve been trying to get this right for so long and then this thing that has been there and should have always been on my plate in a more profound way that now is, that is the thing that has pretty much taken all of my energy away because I have been trying to do everything right for so long.
These are things we all have to work on. We all have to work on these things actively.
We do this because the narrative and the dialogue is that if you are going to do something – you go all the way and you do it right, and you don’t give yourself a break and it doesn’t matter because if you know it then that’s what you do from now on. And there is no room for error, and there is no room for mistakes. That’s what puts us in situations where we are failing.
So that’s what I am here to change that narrative. Even as I teach it, I am still learning it myself.
I am here today to say that everything that you are capable of doing for yourself and for others, that is enough. If you’re wanting to do more out of feeling guilty, that is not the right place from which to do it. Do it because it feels good, feels supportive, because it gives you life and energy and it helps you raise up to where you want to be. If you’re doing it from guilt, that’s not the right place. I want to tell you today to take a break. There is a lot of stuff going on, it doesn’t mean stop learning, it doesn’t mean stop participating and having conversations. It doesn’t mean all of that but it does mean to take some time to take care of yourself and do your best not to allow people to put things on you in the name of trying to be a better person.
Hi, I’m Cati
I work with you to identify the beliefs that are creating your current reality, and together we Balance those beliefs so they support you in creating the life you want to be living. I’m glad you’re here!