The 3 ways expectations set you up to fail and what you can do instead
Do you ever have a plan for how you want things to go and you follow the plan but it doesn’t feel good when you’re experiencing it?
Spring break is coming up and as I write this I’m reminded of a woman I met last week where she was sharing that she had taken her 5-year old to Disney. She said everything sucked for 3 days, at which point she dropped all expectations and ended up having a great time.
Expectations seem like a good idea but then when everything is actually coming together, it doesn’t feel as good as you were hoping.
What happened with this woman was that she was expecting too much of her 5-year old. While she was set on creating an amazing trip to Disney, Her daughter wasn’t capable of living up to her expectations about how the trip needed to go in order to create a beautiful and memorable experience.
When you can set intentions without having expectations, chances are high that the outcome will actually exceed your expectations.
1. Your expectations aren’t the same as others who are involved in the outcome
When recognizing that everyone else might have a different agenda for how things work best for them, and that you can’t control everything, but you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get to your desired outcome, there’s a lot more room for improvisation and flow.
When you’re thinking ahead, it always seems like a good idea to set an expectation. Expectations give us something to work towards and we know we’ll have success when we get to that point because there will be proof of success.
The way the mind works is it sets a goal. And then it starts visualizing how it wants that goal to look. And then you’ll start making a plan to make that goal happen. But what happens instead is we end up so fixated on what we thought the goal would look like, that we think success needs to “look” exactly like that, and any deviation from that image feels like a failure. Instead what we want to do is imagine what the outcome will feel like.
Proof of success is what we’re all after. You don’t want to work for nothing.
Feelings drive all of human behavior. It’s because of feelings that we take action, and action yields results, and you want your results to be successful. What’s missing from nearly everyone’s goal setting agenda is getting into the feeling of what it will be like to have achieved that goal.
Feelings are what make you motivated towards your goals. When you can get into the feeling of what your desired outcome is, the energy of that will bring the outcome closer to you. If you’re only thinking about what the desired outcome will look like, anything that you don’t “think” will bring you closer to that image, will create resistance in you. Because you’re using your brain (visualizing and thinking ahead) to create your outcome more than your heart (what it will feel like to get there), your brain will say, that’s not what this is supposed to look like and will keep you from achieving it.
The great thing is that you can work towards the outcome you want and actually feel the way you want before you get there.
What you want to do when setting “expectations” is imagine what it will feel like to get to that point. Notice where you feel it in your body, how would you describe the feeling and all the attributes of it. What color, shape, how does it feel, what temperature is the feeling? When else have you had that feeling before, and what was the outcome of that. This feeling is really what you’re after when you set expectations. If you can identify the feeling before you get to your desired outcome, you’ll far exceed any expectation you might have set.
2. Expectations set you up to fail when they are too rigid especially when they rely on the behavior or decisions of others in order for your plan to be classified as successful.
You know you’re setting yourself up for failure when you get super focused on specifics. I’ll go back to the Disney example. If you expect that your child will have fun all day every day and enjoy every minute and be able to walk all over the park and not whine when they’re hungry because they’re at DISNEY, for goodness sakes – this is a sure fire sign you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re not likely considering their experience and capabilities. You’re only focused on making it memorable. And if you’re spending this kind of money on a trip, your family better enjoy it. Am I right?
3. When we set expectations, we think we’ll have control.
The problem with control is there’s no room for error. Control is really just an illusion. The only thing you really have control over is your own experience.
Taking into account the needs and feelings and capabilities of others is a major part of your success. They have their expectations too. Their priorities will be different. Make sure you’re making them a part of your planning so everyone’s needs can be met. When everyone’s needs can be met in the way that works best for them, everyone gets what they want and now nobody is resisting anything because everyone is satisfied with how things are going. And this is when the magic happens. There becomes more freedom to create that feeling that you’re after.
Instead of setting expectations, you can instead set intentions.
For example, I’d love to serve 48 clients this year in a 1:1 capacity. Serving those clients and imagining what it will feel like to serve those clients, how it will feel when they send me text messages about improving their lives, money stories or relationships, what can happen in my home life as a result of serving those clients is all MUCH more motivating to me than the money I might see roll into my bank account. Money is fun but it’s way more fun thinking about how I got the money and what it can bring me than the actual money itself. So instead I set the intention to work with 48 clients.
Intentions still give you a goal to work towards but also give flexibility to make adjustments and plan
In the case of my client goals this year, I can choose to change that at any time. There are many ways for me to serve clients, and it doesn’t have to be in a 1:1 setting. I don’t have to choose any one way to create clients. There’s a ton of flexibility in how I choose to get to my outcome, which is to hear success stories from 48 different clients.
Setting intentions create the possibility for more outcomes that are bigger and better than the expectations you initially set.
In my experience, the minute we let go of expectations and allow all possibilities to come in to flow, we have the opportunity to create more in alignment with teh feeling of what we want than sticking to a rigid structure. It feels better.
Recognize what you think you’lre going to get by having that expectation. What feeling do you want.
When you’re looking around in your life, and reviewing your expectations, ask yourself why you need that specific outcome. What feeling will it give you. Why is this feeling important. And what other ways can you use to work towards that expectation.
The feeling is what you’re really after.
The feeling is what is most important in any kind of goal creation. When this is missing from setting goals, you’ll hear people way that when they got there, they didn’t feel any different and something still feels like it’s missing.
Usually this is because they’re thinking this goal is what’s going to make them happy. When the truth is, they can’t create happiness from something outside of themselves. They need to find a way to be happy without having acheived those goals. And when they do that, they’ll already be living from that place of the goal being met even when it hasn’t been yet. And THIS far exceeds any expectation we might have.
You can create the feeling by recognizing there are additional ways to create the outcome you want.
Happiness comes from feeling into what you want to create and creating from that place. Expectations do nothing except make it harder for you to create what you want because there’s no room for “error” in your planning. That kind of rigidity tends to stress people out and no one needs more stress.
Ever wonder why you’re not meeting your goals? It’s all about what’s stored in your subconscious. If you think it’s going to be hard to lose weight, it’s going to be hard to lose weight. On the other hand, if you believe that it is easy for you to lose weight in a healthy way, then it will be much easier for you to make the choices you need in order to support the goal of losing weight.
Tune into the video for more information on how this works. If you’re ready to start identifying and shifting the beliefs that are shaping your reality, check out my Work with Me page or book a Complimentary Q&A to discuss how you can meet your goals.
With so many options for healing available, how do you know which is best? While there isn’t any single “best” tool for anyone, Balancing is the most dynamic tool I’m aware of to allow you to shift your beliefs.
In my experience, most other modalities don’t deal directly with shifting the beliefs that are supporting the circumstances that people want to shift.
For example, if someone is constantly struggling with saving money, and they have an underlying belief that money is hard to keep in the bank, then that belief is going to be very difficult to overcome because their behavior is creating ways to support that belief. But if they shift the limiting belief to “Money is easy to save,” their Conscious mind now has the support it needs from the Subconscious in order to make different choices.
Counseling is one modality that’s very helpful in determining what the problem is, when it started, how it shows up in someone’s life, and provides tools for making different choices. While this is all helpful, it doesn’t support someone in shifting their beliefs at the Subconscious level so they are better able to make different choices. Counseling is a very Conscious-based approach, which has major limitations when it comes to rewiring the Subconscious. The Subconscious dictates what the Conscious does, and hates it when the Conscious mind tries to do something new.
Meditation is a modality that can shift Subconscious behavior. It’s wildly beneficial and has calming effects, but unless it’s done very intentionally and practiced regularly for a significant period of time, it’s not able to shift beliefs quickly the way a Balance can. While meditation can absolutely shift the genetic wiring of a person so they benefit from the physiological effects of their practice, they’re not necessarily changing their beliefs in each session.
Another modality that is quite effective is tapping. Tapping (EFT) is a pattern interruptor and is fantastic, especially when combined with meditation. I love tapping because it allows you to acknowledge your limiting beliefs and create a stronger sense of emotional health based on giving yourself grace despite those limiting beliefs. Where it differs from Balances is that it deals more with emotional feelings than with beliefs.
There are many types of energy work, such as Reiki, that are supportive to shifting energy, but that’s all they do. They shift and release energy that might be creating negative circumstances, and when those energies are released, the person usually notices a difference in their behavior or how they feel. Energy work falls short because it oftentimes doesn’t allow the individual a chance to reprogram their beliefs and so that energy is likely to return.
What I love about Balancing is that it works directly with the subconscious and different levels of brain wave activity. Not only that, when shifting a limiting belief, you’re not only shifting the limiting belief you’re balancing at that time, but other limiting beliefs are being reprogramed at the same time. The ratio isn’t one-to-one, it’s one-to-many.
Furthermore, you don’t have to have a specific goal in order to create a shift. You can set the intention to Balance for whatever you most need, so your Superconscious can decide for you what you most need and you’ll still get the benefit of Balancing. If you don’t trust your Superconscious knows what it’s doing, There’s a Balance for That. 😉
Our minds and higher selves, or superconscious, know so much more about us than our conscious minds will ever understand.
While Balancing does create more access to your entire brain in your daily activity, you don’t have to know the exact details of what’s happening in order to benefit from your Balances. This is a major shortfall of other healing modalities. The trust is put into the hands of the practitioner, or we’re limited by the capacity of our Conscious mind to create change.
Since I started Balancing and experiencing the results of it, nearly everything in my life has changed from an energetic, spiritual and physical level. Used in conjunction with medical treatments, other energy work or counseling, Balancing will help you experience exponential shifts in your growth.
How closely do you pay attention to what you say? Have you ever said something and instantly recognized the limitation you’ve put on yourself?
Consider this: notice the how your body feels when you say, “I don’t know how to do that.” And now notice how your body feels when you say, “I have not yet learned how to do that.”
When I say the first sentence out loud, my head tilts down and my shoulders slump as if I’m withdrawing inward. For the second sentence, “I have not yet learned how to do that,” my head tilts upward as if there’s already a willingness to try something different.
Has anyone you know ever been proud to admit defeat? Do they hold their head up high, with shoulders back, as if it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them? It’s not likely. But on the other hand, think of when you’ve had something to celebrate. Do you hang your head in shame, as if it’s nothing to be excited about? Not usually!
When someone does hangs their head after something is wonderful, it’s because they have fear they’re going to lose it, or it’s not right to celebrate, or some other limitation they’re experiencing as a result of a belief system they possess.
The body reacts to what we have stored in our subconscious. If what’s stored in that database doesn’t support us, we respond physiologically — and usually we don’t know we’re doing it. The example I gave above was just body language! But what if your migraines are actually a result of your beliefs? Or allergies? Or inability to adhere to a diet? Or even financial difficulties?
When you start identifying your beliefs as supporting or limiting, it’s much easier for you to accomplish your goals. You’ll finally be able to identify what’s holding you back from achieving what you want. And at least consciously, you can remind yourself of everything that is good and push yourself to shift those beliefs. Or, you can do it faster by Balancing those beliefs. 🙂
In this video, you’ll learn how important what you say is in shaping the beliefs you have and the potential you’re able to reach. (Pssst… your potential is limitless!)
When you identify the limiting beliefs you’d like to rewire into supporting beliefs, check out my Work with Me page to see if there’s a package that best fits your needs, or schedule a Complimentary Q&A call to discuss what we can to do Balance for those beliefs.
Muscle testing is an amazing tool for interpreting what our actual beliefs are. Many people are familiar with muscle testing after working with a chiropractor or other practitioner to determine their body’s response to foods or chemicals. When used for determining beliefs, muscle testing works differently because we’re communicating with the subconscious and superconscious.
The beauty of using muscle testing when we are working to figure out what our supporting and limiting beliefs are is that we can figure out, beyond the conscious level, what is true and false for us.
We might think that we believe something about ourselves or a situation consciously, but when the subconscious doesn’t have that information stored in it’s database, it won’t agree with the conscious mind. And that’s where things start to fall apart when it comes to goal setting, inner peace, conflict resolution, health, or anything else.
Tune in to the video to learn more about how muscle testing is able to determine what our true beliefs are, and how we can communicate with the superconscious to shift the beliefs that don’t support us.
If you have additional questions about how muscle testing works and how Balancing can create the change you’ve always wanted, check out my FAQs.
A Balance is what Rob Williams, the originator of PSYCH-K®, refers to as the process through which one would create a “whole-brained” state around a specific issue.
To be more specific, a Balance is an opportunity to bring the right and left hemispheres of your brain into synchronicity. By doing so, you’re able to interpret beliefs, experiences, and circumstances from the perspective of having access to your entire brain, rather than just the dominant part of your brain, in relation to that issue.
For example, let’s say someone has been dieting on and off for years. Every time they try a new diet, they are wildly successful at the beginning, only to fall off their diet about 3 weeks in because they’ve stopped losing weight.
When that person comes to me, we would discuss what’s been happening, and then find out what they really want. Let’s say what they really want is for dieting to be easy. I would then establish communication with their Subconscious and Superconscious, and we would Muscle Test for the statement, “Dieting is easy.”
More than likely, their Muscle Test response to this would be weak, which means this statement isn’t true for that person. Since it’s not true, it’s not going to be easy for them to adhere to a diet. We would then Balance for that statement, and when they’re finished with the Balance, we would post-test the statement again using a Muscle Test. The result of that will then be strong, meaning, it is now true for that person. Since they now have that program running in their subconscious mind that this information is true, it will be much easier for them to adhere to their diet because they actually believe it to be true at the subconscious level.
There are many different Balances to work from, and your Superconscious will always select the one that’s best for you based on your circumstances. The end result is always the same. You’ll create a whole-brained state, meaning, have access to more of your brain, in response to the statement you Balance for.
Going back to the previous example, adhering to a diet is a very emotional process for many people. Logically it seems easy to be able to stick to a certain diet, and there’s no shortage of diets to choose from. The challenge frequently comes from the emotional ties we have to foods. Logically, we’re operating from the left hemisphere of the brain. Emotionally, we’re operating from the right hemisphere of the brain.
In this example, we’d follow the first Balance by doing another Balance for the statement, “I release all emotional ties to food.” (I don’t know about you, but my guess is that almost no one would test strong to this statement initially. 😉 ) When this statement is true, it’ll create momentum for the person doing the Balances because they’re now able to easily adhere to their diet, PLUS they no longer have emotional ties to food because they’re accessing both the left and right hemispheres of their brain in relationship to their diet and emotional ties to food.
Balancing is the most powerful way I’m aware of to create massive change in a short period of time, whether that’s for something like sticking to a diet, or even overcoming challenges with anxiety or migraines. There’s truly no limit to the issues you can create a whole-brained state around. For more information about what Balancing is, check out the video above or visit my FAQs page.
To schedule a session to determine the limitations in achieving the goals you have for yourself, visit my Work with Me page.
I work with you to identify the beliefs that are creating your current reality, and together we Balance those beliefs so they support you in creating the life you want to be living. I’m glad you’re here!