The one thing I spend a lot of time on with clients is the idea of acknowledging how far you have come.
Nobody wants to acknowledge how far they have come and they don’t want to celebrate the smallest of wins because they feel like it’s not perfect yet, they’re not ready yet, and so they’re not allowed to celebrate. They keep beating themselves up because they haven’t gotten as far as they’d like to go. That is exactly the way we as human beings, society, community, stay stuck.
So if you want to stay stuck where you are – keep beating yourself up. That’s exactly what you are going to get.
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The Law of Creation
The idea of this comes back to the law of creation. The law of creation is that what you focus on expands. If you want to focus on things not going well, what you could have done better, how things didn’t work out for you – that’s exactly what you are going to get.
If you want to focus instead on the smallest steps toward progress, you’ll start to amplify that.
If you find yourself in a situation where it’s just impossible for you to give yourself the credit you deserve – please get in touch with me, I would love to support you with that.
This is really what starts to build momentum towards the life you’d like to create for yourself.
Let’s start with something simple like list making.
A client I was speaking with was sharing about how she always seems to get so overwhelmed, “I can’t seem to get anything done, I have this massive list of things to do and I just can’t seem to get anything done. I just feel so scattered I can’t do anything. I know I am supposed to and I just can’t.”
The list is never done. Even when you get everything done on your list, there’s a bucket list – there’s still a closet that could be cleaned out, there’s still a trip to the thrift store, there’s still that patch that needs to be repaired in the paint.
There is always going to be something. When you focus on all the things that still need to be done – not acknowledging the things that you have already completed and crossed off your list – you are going to continue to perpetuate the feelings of not enough, there’s always more to do, there’s always something frantic, there’s always something that’s going to be in the way of having celebrations.
This is the reason why I hate the phrase “just getting started”. When someone tells me they’re just getting started, and they’re saying this is so awesome look how good I am doing and I am just getting started. For me, I’m like, my gosh – I’ve done a shit ton of work and I don’t want someone to tell me I just got started. If I just got started then how much farther away is the stuff I want to create.
When you are in the place where you are recognizing and able to celebrate a small win for yourself you can capitalize on that momentum because you are telling your subconscious that something new has happened here. Something different is here. You can build on this.
When you do that, you get more of what you want to happen. And it’s a really beautiful thing.
Celebrate the Small Wins
So let’s go back to the list making thing again. If you write out a list of everything you want to create for yourself and then every day you just pick three things you need to get done from that list, it doesn’t matter that there’s still a hundred things on the list. The fact is that there’s three less things now, then there were when you got started. And that’s worthy of celebration.
Celebration doesn’t have to be popping champagne and getting a limousine. I have a client who stretches and shines her heart up into the sky into the sun. It feels expansive for her. It literally expands her energy. She loves it, it feels good. If you think about the phrase “somebody lit up the room” that’s how I imagine her every time she does it.
So celebration could be just telling someone you had this successful thing happen. Like telling a friend, “I just completed this project a week early and I really didn’t think that was going to happen,” or “I just signed up for this new program and I really think it’s going to help me.”
Celebrating can be telling somebody that you asked for help. A lot of people don’t want to ask for help because they consider if they need help then it’s actually a failure. What if asking for help is actually a win? Because now you can have somebody help you solve those problems and then those things aren’t going to be problems anymore. And isn’t that worthy of celebration?
So if you want to be stuck, don’t do any of this.
One of the things I think is the biggest cause to human suffering is what we have in our mind and the standards that we give ourselves to live up to.
Often times these are things that are put on us, that are programmed from childhood that this is the way that it has to be and this is how we treat ourselves. And there’s something that’s not okay about telling people about what we’ve done or accomplished because it’s considered to be boastful, or rude, or insensitive to the people who aren’t having those same types of success.
But I am also going to encourage a little bit of a reframe on that:
If we continue keeping ourselves small by minimizing and trivializing those things we’ve accomplished – then how do we really inspire anybody else to do anything more than what they’ve done? How do you really create inspiration if you’re not able to share your successes? How can you help somebody else out of something if you’re not willing to share those wins? And to celebrate those wins?
And I am thinking about some clients who have worked in this area and they’re like, “you know i always thought it was boastful to celebrate those wins but now I’m recognizing that if I keep those things quiet I am staying down in the area and I am not able to help anybody out of the situations that they’re in because I am right there with them energetically.”
What You Focus on Expands
If you want to keep the good stuff squashed down then the good stuff will stay squashed down.
Most of us want something bigger, better, more expansive, more joy, more freedom, more peace. The only thing that’s blocking us from experiencing that is what we have in our mind. So if we can start giving ourselves credit where credit is due, if we can start capitalizing on small wins, even if that means doing a few jumping jax or a little dance in your chair – what it does energetically is it tells your subconscious that something is different. When we recognize the feeling of that something different and if we can do that enough, and do that over and over and over again, more things come to us a lot more easily and we have more of an opportunity to choose our battles.
Life is difficult – wouldn’t you rather choose your battles than have them handed to you?
And so this is the importance of celebration and acknowledging what is possible for you and acknowledging how far you have already come. Rather than putting yourself down for how much farther you have to go. Because to me that even just feels burdensome to write.
It’s so much harder to step into that work if I am coming at it from the perspective of I’ve just gotten started and I don’t even have the energy to keep going. But if I go, “look at that thing I did today! I crossed that off my list, what can I do next?” It’s a lot more expansive, there’s a lot more growth opportunity associated with that.
If you’re stuck on any of this, if you find yourself beating yourself up, you’re not willing to giving yourself the credit you deserve, you don’t understand the point of celebration, know this is one of the MAJOR things I work on with my clients and it’s one of the things that gets them the biggest momentum the fastest.
I know it’s a white girl problem but, I’m really tired.
I was interacting in a Facebook group the other day and there was a comment made that if people are going to be promoting their product or services in the current times, then all of the proceeds should be going to bailout finds, advocacy groups, black lives matter, etc.
I understand the sentiment of that.
In regards to the person who was promoting their product. I have never seen them ask for a sale, ever ask for membership, ever ask for money, nothing – ever. And then there was this other person going, “if you’re not doing all of it then you should be doing nothing.”
And I am here to tell you that’s fucking bullshit.
So here’s where I am at. I’m 40, I’ve been working my ass off for my whole entire life because everything always had to be perfect. It always had to live up to some kind of standard, and I am fucking exhausted right now because everything has always been if you know that you can do better, then you do better.
Every day. In every part of my life.
That’s my kids, my husband, sex, money, business, sales calls, exercising, recycling, buying organic, making sure you’re supporting the companies that aren’t racist, etc.
It’s all of this stuff all the time. I actually stopped watching documentaries for this very reason because every single documentary I watched made me feel like any decision I made, it wasn’t going to be right.
I’m tired of that. I’m sure a lot of people are tired of that.
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So I am here to tell you today, any progress that you make going forward – it’s enough. Any contribution that you make going forward – it’s enough. Unless you’re feeling guilty because you know you could do more, then do more if that’s what feels good for you.
But if you’re in the place where you are like, “I should give up every luxury I have to support these other things.”
Is that really what’s right for you?
Because Maybe those things that you are classifying as luxuries, maybe those things are actually needs.
Like for instance, I went and checked out a new gym this morning. I do best when I go to a gym and I am told what to do by a trainer who knows how to work with injured bodies. If that’s not happening, then I don’t go to the gym. I had been thinking to myself – maybe I shouldn’t go. Like, maybe I should take whatever that investment would be and donate it to bailout funds. And maybe I will just try to figure it out on my own. And then I’m like, you know what, thats exactly the thing that got me injured. I have to take care of myself first. I need to do these things so that I can show up more fully towards those things, towards those activities and advocacy groups the way that I want to.
If I’m not exercising, I don’t feel good. And if I don’t feel good, I can’t work more. If I can’t work more, I can’t help more people. If I can’t help more people, I can’t make the money that I need to make so that I can go support the causes and give them the money that I want to give them.
So – back to the woman in the Facebook group. I totally understand where her heart is, and at the same time when we are putting all of this pressure on people to do every single thing that is in your power to do every single day, it leads to burn out.
It leads to a 40 year old white woman going, “I need a fucking break, man.” I don’t like being that, but at the same time I know that it’s what created it. It’s perfectionism, its that no choice that you make is ever good enough when you are a conscious person and you care. It’s like saying, “well if you really cared about that then you would do everything in your power.”
It’s true. But it also leads to burnout. It doesn’t leave any room for flexibility. It doesn’t leave any room for small steps forward. It doesn’t leave any room for rest and recovery. It doesn’t leave any room for sitting back and taking the time to reflect. And just take it easy and find the ease and the flow in those things that feel good. Because everything that we do, should always feel good. It should always come from integrity and allowance and flow. And when we can do that, we can actually do more. If we are being shamed because it’s not enough then we are always going to be in this state of proving ourselves, and proving ourselves is never the right place to create things from because its not in alignment with what our soul wants for ourselves. Our soul, at our heart level, we already know we are good. It’s all of these external things and sources of pressure that are put on us that create a lot of friction.
My work is in dismantling all of that, even when I am going through it myself.
I am tired AND I love my work.
At the same time it just doesn’t feel as important right now because of all of these other things that are going on out there. I’ve been trying to get this right for so long and then this thing that has been there and should have always been on my plate in a more profound way that now is, that is the thing that has pretty much taken all of my energy away because I have been trying to do everything right for so long.
These are things we all have to work on. We all have to work on these things actively.
We do this because the narrative and the dialogue is that if you are going to do something – you go all the way and you do it right, and you don’t give yourself a break and it doesn’t matter because if you know it then that’s what you do from now on. And there is no room for error, and there is no room for mistakes. That’s what puts us in situations where we are failing.
So that’s what I am here to change that narrative. Even as I teach it, I am still learning it myself.
I am here today to say that everything that you are capable of doing for yourself and for others, that is enough. If you’re wanting to do more out of feeling guilty, that is not the right place from which to do it. Do it because it feels good, feels supportive, because it gives you life and energy and it helps you raise up to where you want to be. If you’re doing it from guilt, that’s not the right place. I want to tell you today to take a break. There is a lot of stuff going on, it doesn’t mean stop learning, it doesn’t mean stop participating and having conversations. It doesn’t mean all of that but it does mean to take some time to take care of yourself and do your best not to allow people to put things on you in the name of trying to be a better person.
The 3 ways expectations set you up to fail and what you can do instead
Do you ever have a plan for how you want things to go and you follow the plan but it doesn’t feel good when you’re experiencing it?
Spring break is coming up and as I write this I’m reminded of a woman I met last week where she was sharing that she had taken her 5-year old to Disney. She said everything sucked for 3 days, at which point she dropped all expectations and ended up having a great time.
Expectations seem like a good idea but then when everything is actually coming together, it doesn’t feel as good as you were hoping.
What happened with this woman was that she was expecting too much of her 5-year old. While she was set on creating an amazing trip to Disney, Her daughter wasn’t capable of living up to her expectations about how the trip needed to go in order to create a beautiful and memorable experience.
When you can set intentions without having expectations, chances are high that the outcome will actually exceed your expectations.
1. Your expectations aren’t the same as others who are involved in the outcome
When recognizing that everyone else might have a different agenda for how things work best for them, and that you can’t control everything, but you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get to your desired outcome, there’s a lot more room for improvisation and flow.
When you’re thinking ahead, it always seems like a good idea to set an expectation. Expectations give us something to work towards and we know we’ll have success when we get to that point because there will be proof of success.
The way the mind works is it sets a goal. And then it starts visualizing how it wants that goal to look. And then you’ll start making a plan to make that goal happen. But what happens instead is we end up so fixated on what we thought the goal would look like, that we think success needs to “look” exactly like that, and any deviation from that image feels like a failure. Instead what we want to do is imagine what the outcome will feel like.
Proof of success is what we’re all after. You don’t want to work for nothing.
Feelings drive all of human behavior. It’s because of feelings that we take action, and action yields results, and you want your results to be successful. What’s missing from nearly everyone’s goal setting agenda is getting into the feeling of what it will be like to have achieved that goal.
Feelings are what make you motivated towards your goals. When you can get into the feeling of what your desired outcome is, the energy of that will bring the outcome closer to you. If you’re only thinking about what the desired outcome will look like, anything that you don’t “think” will bring you closer to that image, will create resistance in you. Because you’re using your brain (visualizing and thinking ahead) to create your outcome more than your heart (what it will feel like to get there), your brain will say, that’s not what this is supposed to look like and will keep you from achieving it.
The great thing is that you can work towards the outcome you want and actually feel the way you want before you get there.
What you want to do when setting “expectations” is imagine what it will feel like to get to that point. Notice where you feel it in your body, how would you describe the feeling and all the attributes of it. What color, shape, how does it feel, what temperature is the feeling? When else have you had that feeling before, and what was the outcome of that. This feeling is really what you’re after when you set expectations. If you can identify the feeling before you get to your desired outcome, you’ll far exceed any expectation you might have set.
2. Expectations set you up to fail when they are too rigid especially when they rely on the behavior or decisions of others in order for your plan to be classified as successful.
You know you’re setting yourself up for failure when you get super focused on specifics. I’ll go back to the Disney example. If you expect that your child will have fun all day every day and enjoy every minute and be able to walk all over the park and not whine when they’re hungry because they’re at DISNEY, for goodness sakes – this is a sure fire sign you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re not likely considering their experience and capabilities. You’re only focused on making it memorable. And if you’re spending this kind of money on a trip, your family better enjoy it. Am I right?
3. When we set expectations, we think we’ll have control.
The problem with control is there’s no room for error. Control is really just an illusion. The only thing you really have control over is your own experience.
Taking into account the needs and feelings and capabilities of others is a major part of your success. They have their expectations too. Their priorities will be different. Make sure you’re making them a part of your planning so everyone’s needs can be met. When everyone’s needs can be met in the way that works best for them, everyone gets what they want and now nobody is resisting anything because everyone is satisfied with how things are going. And this is when the magic happens. There becomes more freedom to create that feeling that you’re after.
Instead of setting expectations, you can instead set intentions.
For example, I’d love to serve 48 clients this year in a 1:1 capacity. Serving those clients and imagining what it will feel like to serve those clients, how it will feel when they send me text messages about improving their lives, money stories or relationships, what can happen in my home life as a result of serving those clients is all MUCH more motivating to me than the money I might see roll into my bank account. Money is fun but it’s way more fun thinking about how I got the money and what it can bring me than the actual money itself. So instead I set the intention to work with 48 clients.
Intentions still give you a goal to work towards but also give flexibility to make adjustments and plan
In the case of my client goals this year, I can choose to change that at any time. There are many ways for me to serve clients, and it doesn’t have to be in a 1:1 setting. I don’t have to choose any one way to create clients. There’s a ton of flexibility in how I choose to get to my outcome, which is to hear success stories from 48 different clients.
Setting intentions create the possibility for more outcomes that are bigger and better than the expectations you initially set.
In my experience, the minute we let go of expectations and allow all possibilities to come in to flow, we have the opportunity to create more in alignment with teh feeling of what we want than sticking to a rigid structure. It feels better.
Recognize what you think you’lre going to get by having that expectation. What feeling do you want.
When you’re looking around in your life, and reviewing your expectations, ask yourself why you need that specific outcome. What feeling will it give you. Why is this feeling important. And what other ways can you use to work towards that expectation.
The feeling is what you’re really after.
The feeling is what is most important in any kind of goal creation. When this is missing from setting goals, you’ll hear people way that when they got there, they didn’t feel any different and something still feels like it’s missing.
Usually this is because they’re thinking this goal is what’s going to make them happy. When the truth is, they can’t create happiness from something outside of themselves. They need to find a way to be happy without having acheived those goals. And when they do that, they’ll already be living from that place of the goal being met even when it hasn’t been yet. And THIS far exceeds any expectation we might have.
You can create the feeling by recognizing there are additional ways to create the outcome you want.
Happiness comes from feeling into what you want to create and creating from that place. Expectations do nothing except make it harder for you to create what you want because there’s no room for “error” in your planning. That kind of rigidity tends to stress people out and no one needs more stress.
Ever wonder why you’re not meeting your goals? It’s all about what’s stored in your subconscious. If you think it’s going to be hard to lose weight, it’s going to be hard to lose weight. On the other hand, if you believe that it is easy for you to lose weight in a healthy way, then it will be much easier for you to make the choices you need in order to support the goal of losing weight.
Tune into the video for more information on how this works. If you’re ready to start identifying and shifting the beliefs that are shaping your reality, check out my Work with Me page or book a Complimentary Q&A to discuss how you can meet your goals.
With so many options for healing available, how do you know which is best? While there isn’t any single “best” tool for anyone, Balancing is the most dynamic tool I’m aware of to allow you to shift your beliefs.
In my experience, most other modalities don’t deal directly with shifting the beliefs that are supporting the circumstances that people want to shift.
For example, if someone is constantly struggling with saving money, and they have an underlying belief that money is hard to keep in the bank, then that belief is going to be very difficult to overcome because their behavior is creating ways to support that belief. But if they shift the limiting belief to “Money is easy to save,” their Conscious mind now has the support it needs from the Subconscious in order to make different choices.
Counseling is one modality that’s very helpful in determining what the problem is, when it started, how it shows up in someone’s life, and provides tools for making different choices. While this is all helpful, it doesn’t support someone in shifting their beliefs at the Subconscious level so they are better able to make different choices. Counseling is a very Conscious-based approach, which has major limitations when it comes to rewiring the Subconscious. The Subconscious dictates what the Conscious does, and hates it when the Conscious mind tries to do something new.
Meditation is a modality that can shift Subconscious behavior. It’s wildly beneficial and has calming effects, but unless it’s done very intentionally and practiced regularly for a significant period of time, it’s not able to shift beliefs quickly the way a Balance can. While meditation can absolutely shift the genetic wiring of a person so they benefit from the physiological effects of their practice, they’re not necessarily changing their beliefs in each session.
Another modality that is quite effective is tapping. Tapping (EFT) is a pattern interruptor and is fantastic, especially when combined with meditation. I love tapping because it allows you to acknowledge your limiting beliefs and create a stronger sense of emotional health based on giving yourself grace despite those limiting beliefs. Where it differs from Balances is that it deals more with emotional feelings than with beliefs.
There are many types of energy work, such as Reiki, that are supportive to shifting energy, but that’s all they do. They shift and release energy that might be creating negative circumstances, and when those energies are released, the person usually notices a difference in their behavior or how they feel. Energy work falls short because it oftentimes doesn’t allow the individual a chance to reprogram their beliefs and so that energy is likely to return.
What I love about Balancing is that it works directly with the subconscious and different levels of brain wave activity. Not only that, when shifting a limiting belief, you’re not only shifting the limiting belief you’re balancing at that time, but other limiting beliefs are being reprogramed at the same time. The ratio isn’t one-to-one, it’s one-to-many.
Furthermore, you don’t have to have a specific goal in order to create a shift. You can set the intention to Balance for whatever you most need, so your Superconscious can decide for you what you most need and you’ll still get the benefit of Balancing. If you don’t trust your Superconscious knows what it’s doing, There’s a Balance for That. 😉
Our minds and higher selves, or superconscious, know so much more about us than our conscious minds will ever understand.
While Balancing does create more access to your entire brain in your daily activity, you don’t have to know the exact details of what’s happening in order to benefit from your Balances. This is a major shortfall of other healing modalities. The trust is put into the hands of the practitioner, or we’re limited by the capacity of our Conscious mind to create change.
Since I started Balancing and experiencing the results of it, nearly everything in my life has changed from an energetic, spiritual and physical level. Used in conjunction with medical treatments, other energy work or counseling, Balancing will help you experience exponential shifts in your growth.
How closely do you pay attention to what you say? Have you ever said something and instantly recognized the limitation you’ve put on yourself?
Consider this: notice the how your body feels when you say, “I don’t know how to do that.” And now notice how your body feels when you say, “I have not yet learned how to do that.”
When I say the first sentence out loud, my head tilts down and my shoulders slump as if I’m withdrawing inward. For the second sentence, “I have not yet learned how to do that,” my head tilts upward as if there’s already a willingness to try something different.
Has anyone you know ever been proud to admit defeat? Do they hold their head up high, with shoulders back, as if it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to them? It’s not likely. But on the other hand, think of when you’ve had something to celebrate. Do you hang your head in shame, as if it’s nothing to be excited about? Not usually!
When someone does hangs their head after something is wonderful, it’s because they have fear they’re going to lose it, or it’s not right to celebrate, or some other limitation they’re experiencing as a result of a belief system they possess.
The body reacts to what we have stored in our subconscious. If what’s stored in that database doesn’t support us, we respond physiologically — and usually we don’t know we’re doing it. The example I gave above was just body language! But what if your migraines are actually a result of your beliefs? Or allergies? Or inability to adhere to a diet? Or even financial difficulties?
When you start identifying your beliefs as supporting or limiting, it’s much easier for you to accomplish your goals. You’ll finally be able to identify what’s holding you back from achieving what you want. And at least consciously, you can remind yourself of everything that is good and push yourself to shift those beliefs. Or, you can do it faster by Balancing those beliefs. 🙂
In this video, you’ll learn how important what you say is in shaping the beliefs you have and the potential you’re able to reach. (Pssst… your potential is limitless!)
When you identify the limiting beliefs you’d like to rewire into supporting beliefs, check out my Work with Me page to see if there’s a package that best fits your needs, or schedule a Complimentary Q&A call to discuss what we can to do Balance for those beliefs.
I work with you to identify the beliefs that are creating your current reality, and together we Balance those beliefs so they support you in creating the life you want to be living. I’m glad you’re here!